THE HOME PAGE OF MY 1976 PONTIAC TRANS AM
76 TRANS AM
WHAT HAPPENED TO CLARENCE THE “SMOG DOG”
A LITTLE NON TRANS AM HUMOR
You may have heard that Clarence, the “Smog Dog” is available, and looking for work. I’m here to tell you ,that sadly, this is not true. What happened to Clarence you say? Well, let me tell you.
It seems that one day, Clarence took his own car through the New Jersey “CaCa” vehicle emissions testing system, and lo and behold, it failed for emissions. Now seeing how Clarence is a dog , and knew little about cars, he had no way of knowing that maybe his vehicle had failed its “emissions test”, not due to any fault with his car, but instead because of a “glitch” in the emissions testing software. Of course one might say,-So what!- all Clarence had to do, was to simply take his car to a local “certified emissions repair facility”, and have it checked out. Easier said than done though for Clarence. Seems that despite his lucrative contract for appearing in the “Parsons Group” promotional spots for the “CaCa” vehicle emissions testing procedure, that Clarence hadn’t a dime to his name. How could that be you ask? Ah, the answer is simple, this is New Jersey, and therefore, instead of the royalties from the commercials having gone to Clarence, they were instead redirected by Clarence’s crooked Agent, to one of the politically connected, who had originally helped shepherd the “Parsons Group” deal into being. Therefore, Clarence could not afford to have his car checked out by a “certified repair facility”, where he would have learned that there was in fact nothing wrong with his car. So, Clarence simply drove his car with the failed sticker on the windshield, until one day, he was stopped by an Officer, and cited for driving with an overdue “Inspection Sticker” on his car. Clarence couldn’t afford to pay the fine he incurred either, and so the penalties and interest mounted, until finally, a “warrant” was sworn out against him. One fateful day, while on his way to the “Convenience Store” to pick up “dog food“, Clarence was stopped again, and this time hauled off to “Rahway State Penitentiary” (oops, I mean “East Jersey Correctional Facility”), where he is now serving a 6-10 year sentence for not only his “Inspection Sticker” violation, but also for assaulting an Officer. See, Clarence was so angry at the state for all the trouble the “CaCa” vehicle inspection system he had once touted, had caused him, that he bit the Officer who had arrested him for his DMV fine offence. The Judge through the book at poor Clarence, and it was off to the hoosegow for him.
And there you have it, poor Clarence the “Smog Dog”, turned into a common criminal, by the very same flawed emissions testing system he once tried to sell to the people of New Jersey. Oh, and poor Clarence couldn’t even turn to “COVA/CVAG” for any kind of help, because it was no more, its founder having finally thrown in the towel, after having spent ten fruitless years trying to get the people of New Jersey to rise up against the very flawed emissions testing system that had lead to Clarence’s downfall.
So, folks, no Clarence, no COVA/CVAG, and only a handful of diehards, like myself (Ben Deutschman) left, still trying to wake up the people of New Jersey to the fact that they’ve been had, but, lacking what poor Clarence lacked, the finances to do much about a horrible wrong.